In all honesty I spent too long in bitterness and anger regarding the way I had been treated. I carried a burden of indignation and became a martyr of self righteousness over their behavior towards me. It made me ill. It made me burn up inside and seethe. For anyone who would listen I would tell the story of ‘can you believe what they did/said/etc’.
Until I allowed myself to heal I couldn’t see what a low energy state I had been living in for so long. My reaction to their behavior (anger, bitterness) was MY problem. I had every chance to say stop. No more. Moving on, thank you. But instead I almost clung on to the bad treatment because it served me at the time, to feel justified in living in that low energy state. It was their fault I was unhappy, angry, bitter. Even when I did walk away I still held on to that story. And those feelings.
When I became attuned to Reiki and started to heal myself, my blinkers started to gently fall away. I learnt through my daily self healing; self control, self esteem, self worth and importantly that I am in control of my energy. I chose myself how to react to anything and anyone. I felt conscious and connected. I learnt to own the feelings I was experiencing. And how to actually heal them.
I was able to learn how to mend bridges, with boundaries. I learnt how to forgive, to let go of the bitterness and anger. And importantly how to accept my own flaws of how I was a drama queen đź‘‘, expecting people to be mind readers of how I was feeling and blowing things out of proportion – I was really wearing my bloody crown!
And all that healing didn’t mean I started shitting rainbows and rode around on a pink cloud. It meant that I could experience peace. More love. More positivity. More abundance of all the delicious moments that make up my life. And I could finally see how much my EGO had held me back in wanting to believe I had every right to feel that way.
Feeling bad is never good. I am so very grateful that I got to learn the tools and lessons that I did, so that it could help me. And in turn allow me to help others, to also release and heal and to teach them how to start their own journey of healing.
